a day of ultrasounds...

Today I had two ultrasounds. It was terrible b/c I had to get up early, and then I had to do a lot of work, plus I am looking for a new place to live, and on top of all that I had to do the two ultrasounds, and so I haven't had a chance to exercise today. It is so terrible.

The first ultrasound was another echo (with footage shown here). It went good. They guy walked me through it all and all my stuff was still normal. My heart rocks!

The second one was much much worse. I went alone, which was a bad idea b/c it was at pretty much the same place as I got the terrible ultrasound when they decided that it was likely a tumor and all the cancer nightmare started. It was a pelvic ultrasound b/c I had been having some spotting, probably related to my period coming back, but they wanted to rule out endrometrial cancer just in case (b/c tamoxifen ups our risk for this). Anyways, it turns out pelvic ultrasounds are a million times worse then any other kind of ultrasound. It seems that they involve going inside you like intravaginal or whatever. I didn't realize that was gonna happen. They said the word endovaginal and I was like "intra-what"?!? So it was uncomfortable to say the least, and scary, because the tech kept saying "i can't say anthing." or " I am new" when I asked her if it all looked normal. It turned out that everything was normal looking with my endrometrial, but my overies had what looked like cysts. They were big enough though that the radiologist recommended I come back in 6 weeks to make sure they were shrinking. I of course freaked out b/c I am super scared about ovarian cancer (it often goes with BC)... The radiolgist said that they really did look like cysts though, and that it is normal for cysts to be that size (they are "follicles" she said). I still was freaking out though. I know that tamoxifen increases the risk of ovarian cysts, and also they run in my family (unlike cancer), but I just don't like anything abnormal showing up on my scans. I am pretty nervous about it.
On another note, it seems I have a retroverted uterus, which is a normal variant.

a nice visit with the oncologist

So not much new except that i am incredibly busy with everything. Trying to get stuff done with work, scuba lessons, trying to keep up with surfing etc. In spite of it all though, the other day I still found some time to relax and unwind with a refreshing visit to the oncologist. Actually that was sarcastic, b/c the oncologist is never really that relaxing, but this time it was actually not so bad. It is feeling really good to be on the downhill side of things. He asked me how I was doing and I described my main complaint (besides my imperfect skin, which always bothers me), which was that my arms felt sore, especially when surfing and doing this position (pictured here). The nurse told me that maybe I should just stretch before surfing and stop putting my arm in that position. The oncologist said that probably my right arm hurting was something with the port (maybe a blood clot, but not a dangerous one b/c upper extremity blood clots are ok, and ports can cause them). He said sometimes arm ports hurt and that is why he doesn't do them. I said I still liked mine better then a chest one b/c the scar isn't as bad. My other arm he thinks I just strained surfing b/c I had hurt my first one. He said it wasn't anything with cancer. We talked about how I had been having a little bit of on and off bleeding, which he thinks is my period coming back, but I am gonna get an ultrasound b/c I am paranoid (bleeding can also be a sign of endrometrial cancer, which tamoxifen increases your risk for. The oncologist said it is way too early for tamoxifen to do that to me, but he said it would be fine to get the ultrasound for my piece of mine. He thinks it is totally normal tha tI would be having kind of off and on bleeding as my period is trying to figure things out again. After all, I didn't have it for 9 months AND I had been on the pill before that, so it has been awhile since I was doing this on my own.) Besides that, the said it was ok for me to scuba dive, ordered me my usual tri-monthly echo and that was about it. The only other thing, that wasn't so fun, is that we talked about other hormone therapy options. He wanted me to know that I could enroll in the SOFT study, where they randomize me to 3 kinds of hormone therapy, which are either just tamoxifen (like I am on now), or 2 other kinds that involve ovarian ablation, or putting someone in menopause. I am leaning towards not doing any of these. Honestly I am just really tired of treatment, and tamoxifen is bothering me enough. He said that was totally reasonable. there is no evidence that the other 2 methods would work better and they have worse side effects. Plus he said I have done a lot of other stuff and been very agressive and that treatment fatigue is normal at this stage. He just wanted me to know that it was an option. I just don't think I want to deal with it though. Why put myself through something that may or may not work? Sure, I wanna help science, but I am already in one clinical trial (for zometa), and my whole life (or at least work) is helping science, so I feel like I have done enough. The best part of the meeting was after I said I didn't want to do it, I asked him if he thought I would still be ok with just tamoxifen and he said absolutely and that I was almost definitely already cured. That is what I like to hear!

On a less great note, my poor kitty cat, Edinger, is sick. He has cat herpes (which is airborne in cats and like a cold. he got it at the shelter.) When I first got him it was so bad that he was almost euthanized. I volunteer at the shelter and they knew I liked him, so they told me first and I saved him. Since then he has been the greatest cat and really healthy. Now his only problem is a watery eye, for which I took him to the vet and he got eye drops and vitamins (to help it not become a worse herpes outbreak), I feel sort of terrible though, b/c I am going out of town this weekend, which I planned a long time ago and have been really looking forward to. I have people checking in on Edinger, but I feel bad leaving him. He was always there for me with cancer so I feel bad about leaving him now. I know that he is a cat, and probably isn't even feeling that bad (he is still acting mostly normal, just a little more sleepy and his eye is watery, but he is still playful.) He probably doesn't even notice that I am gone longer then usual, and it is just the weekend, but I still feel bad. I just don't want to be a terrible pet owner.

4th of July!

So, this post is a bit late. I have been swamped with work stuff and trying to get back in the swing of things. I had a really fun 4th of july though and I wanted to share about it and show the cool pictures I took of the fireworks.

It is sort of a running personal joke that I have with myself that I have lived in San Diego for almost 3 years now and never had a 4th of july here (I am always out of town). I think it is funny enough to be a joke b/c SD is an awesome place to have 4th of July (or at least I assumed it would be b/c people come from all over to have it.) My assumption was confirmed though. It really is a fun place for the 4th. I went down to ocean beach and had a really nice BBQ with my friends. I made brownies but undercooked them so they were all falling apart. People still liked them though. My other contribution was watermelon which I cut into crazy shaped pieces. Not to be creative, I am just really bad at cutting watermelon. After a nice long, leisurely afternoon of eating we all walked down to the water. It was crazy there! All these characters. There was this whole bus full of sign spinners (like those people that spin signs by the side of the road to get you to buy condos) only these people said they were champions and where doing all these expert sign spinning tricks. That was fun to watch for a few minutes. Then we walked down to the beach and watched the fireworks off the pier. A lot of surfers paddled out to be right under them. I didn't know that people did that, but now that I do I am gonna probably do it next year. After the fireworks there was a giant crazy marshmallow fight! I never knew such things existed but they do. Also, I am really good at them. I pegged a couple of my friends between the eyes. marshmallow fights are fun, and I don't think too dangerous, although I think some people do get sand in their eyes. i was alright though, which I think means that I won the war. But honestly it was awesome. I think there were probably about 1000 people throwing marshmallows at one another. Crazy fun.

PS I am also going to learn how to scuba dive. I signed up for classes to start tomorrow!

and philly!

The last leg of my crazy east coast tour was a quick stop in philedelphia to see my dad's side of the family, particularily my grandpa, aunt, uncle and cousins. It was a short visit, but a nice one. I went for a nice run around swarthmore college and had a nice dinner with the family.

One of the other highlights was talking science with my grandpa. He is a chemist, but has recently become really interested in biochemistry and DNA in particular. I guess he had a lot of questions about it that he had been asking the whole family, but had been looking forward to my arrival since I have some bio background. Anyway, he showed me his textbook he had been reading and asked lots of very thoughtful questions. I could tell he really enjoyed learning about it which made it really fun.

Anyways, it was a very nice visit. It is always good to see family. I am on my way back to CA now. I am looking forward to being back to surfing, and seeing edinger, but I have to go get herceptin tomorrow which I am not looking forward to. Bleh cancer. At least I am mostly done.

New York!

New York was pretty good. Overall it is an alright place. It is definitely a super fun place to visit. First I went to coney island, which was fun. I have never been before. The rides were too expensive, but I paid 50 cents to see a "giant rat" which was really a baby capybara, the person running the booth seemed to sense that I wasn't all that impressed and told me that it was only 4 months old and in a few months would triple it's size. I guess that is pretty impressive. I also went to central park which was really nice and ate at this really really good vegan restaurant. Then me and some of my friends did karaoke which was really fun. The next day I went to the Moma (museum of modern art). A lot of it I really enjoyed, but some of it was a little silly. Like they had a whole room full of blank canvases . I get that art is flexible and all, but I think that they would have benefited from mixing around the blank ones a little at least, instead of grouping them together.

Two gross things happened to me in new york. The first was that I found a tick on my leg, which was nasty, but luckily I don't think it will give me lyme disease. I think the tick was probably from connecticut. The second thing was that I accidently took one of my medicines on an empty stomach and got really naseaus. Me and my friend went to go find a new york bagel, but by the time I got to the place I was so naseious feeling that I just waited outside. While outside, this guy, who was loitering outside the shop asked me if I was from europe. He said I looked like I was from paris. I really didn't feel like talking on account of the fact that i felt super sick but I politely told him no. Then he asked me if I was a model and when I said no, kept asking me why not. He just wouldn't give up. My friend poked his head out of the shop once to ask if I wanted coffee too and I said no, after he left the loiterer said "does he hit you?" It was the most ridiculous thing ever. I was starting to feel really bad by this point though, and was on the stinky streets of new york. The bagel shop didn't have any obvious bathroom and I didn't know if I could make it anyways... Long story short I just kind of leaned over and threw up in the streets of new york. It was probably the nastiest thing that ever has happened to me. The loiterer though, didn't seem upset by it at all, as soon as I finished he asked me again if I was a model and if not if I had ever looked in a mirror. I guess I should have been touched that he could look past a little vomit. It was really just gross though.

Wingdings and family!!!

I haven't had much time to write lately because I have been traveling around the east coast having a super awesome time! After spending a bit in Boston where I saw my friend from college Amitai (who I call Awesome-tai), I went down to Connecticut to spend some time with my family. It was so nice to see them all. Really really great. We had an outdoor cookout the first night, then had a nice long hike the next day and I got to see my aunt's new chickens, which was very exciting (b/c I love chickens). After that I had a really nice dinner with everyone. The last day we had a "wingding" which is like a party. It was so nice. We spent the whole day outside, eating delicous food and enjoying the good weather. My uncle was making us all fancy mixed drinks and I have to admit I had a couple. I am not supposed to drink so much anymore (b/c of the teeny tiny increased risk of recurrence), and normally I don't, but I really like doing it on occasion, and I decided it was ok to do since I am on vacation. I have to enjoy myself sometimes after all! Anyway, I told my uncle to put very little alcohol in mine and he did, so I think it is ok. I will be better about it when I get back to San Diego. Anyway, it was a great day outside. I played with all my little cousins, saw my grandparents (Gigi and Papa), which was so nice, and enjoyed everyone! I also went canoing. :)

Now I am on the train to New York City, for even more adventures!!!

Surf for the cure!!!

I also wanted to put a plug in for my latest fundraising venture. I am raising money for my very own cancer center through the longboard luau. The money goes to cancer research and education/outreach programs etc. To raise money we are having this surfing event that people can come and watch and then an luau afterwards. Lots of famous surfers are surfing in it and if I raise $2500 I can to! So if you can, help me reach my goal so that I can surf with the legends!

http://www.active.com/donate/LongboardLuau/nickiswann